Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
