We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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