my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize