If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
