I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
