Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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