I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
