ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sext me about skeletons
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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