Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
