I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
