Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
