So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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