I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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