rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
