You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
