2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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