I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
