Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
