I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
