somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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