as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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