he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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