i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
