i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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