next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
