Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
