i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
