I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
