Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm passing your future prison.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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