I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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