Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
