How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
