Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
