he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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