Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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