So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize