I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
