I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
