Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
