My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
