I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
