I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
