well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize