Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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