i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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