She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
