No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize