i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize