I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
