you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
