you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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