if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
