Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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