tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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