You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
