It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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