Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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