If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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