He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
