I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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