I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
