She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
