i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize