the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hippo gnu deer
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
