he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
