The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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