I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we're making bets on your personal life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
