Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
