I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
