I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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