I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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