it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
we should paint friendship bongs
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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