just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
