I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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