wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
